Life gets busy! Lately, I’ve been extra busy! My October calendar was FULL! Each day seemed to be filled with appointments, commitments, parties, recovery events/meetings and family gatherings. I found myself feeling extremely overwhelmed! I kept wondering when I would ever actually get time to myself to just relax, or cleanup, or write or just…breath!
I was starting to feel as if life in general was a burden – every breath I took seemed to involve work, parenthood, bills, swimming lessons, recovery, art classes, school functions, doing dishes, laundry, recovery functions, appointments, grocery shopping, BILLS….you get it!
So, I started journaling at night this past week to help clear my mind, and I suddenly sat back and was like, “Hold up. When did I become so ungrateful? This is not ok!”
I’ve learned a few things throughout this journey. One is that when I start responding to every person’s inquiry into my life with the same, “Ugh…I’m so busy!” response, I am actually using the word “busy” as a shield.
“Busy” has become my favorite form of armor. I am breaking that habit today. In reality, ”busy” means vulnerable. Insecure. Exhausted. I am struggling.
Yes! I am busy, but I am also blessed with a full and happy life. I am not “busy”, I am fortunate.
The second thing I’ve learned, is that when I start the process of willingly disguising life’s blessings as burdens, I need to take the advice of a wise man named Ice Cube and “check myself…before I wreck myself.” 🤣 Bahaha!
I’m never too busy to be nerdy! 🤓
There was a time in my life, not too long ago, where just waking up and showering was a struggle for me. I found myself sick, depressed and confined to a isolated, lonely existence. I was no longer living, I was maintaining.
Through my addiction, I had lost the ability to function on an adult level, and just breathing was exhausting. The only thing I was busy doing, was trying to stay alive.
I wasn’t capable of working. I wasn’t capable of being a good wife or mother. I wasn’t capable of driving my daughter to commitments or even having any commitments of my own.
Early recovery felt a lot like walking through a minefield – or what I can only imagine walking through a minefield would feel like. I questioned every step, every decision, every emotion. I lived in constant fear of myself, and was convinced that things would eventually blow up in my face and I would be right back where I started. I didn’t think I would succeed and I certainly didn’t trust myself.
As time went on, I got more comfortable with myself. If I didn’t know the answers, I reached out for help. If I was feeling overwhelmed, I learned to say no. If it made me feel icky, I didn’t do it.
I grew as a person. I learned to trust myself again. I learned to trust others. I learned that I was just as deserving of happiness as anyone else.
With recovery comes responsibility.
My busy life is not a burden, it is a blessing, and today I needed to be reminded of that. Sometimes, I still need a good smack on the forehead to remind myself WHY I am able to have all of these blessings in my life. My recovery! And that needs to come first…and sometimes I need to be reminded of that too!
My blessings are often disguised as burdens…and today I am grateful for every single one of them!