I used to spend so much time looking at myself in the mirror. Fixing my hair, putting on my makeup. It was all a facade, to mask how I really felt about myself. I couldn’t even go to the grocery store without putting makeup on first. I was afraid that I would see someone I knew and they would tell everyone my big secret; that I am just average. I was too self-centered to realize the world wasn’t talking about me when I wasn’t around.
Then I went through a few years where I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror, I hated myself that much. If I forced myself to look in the mirror it usually ended in tears. The reflection I saw was just a shell of a woman, drowning in guilt, regret and failure. A woman doomed to spend the remainder of her days in her own personal hell. I didn’t know then what I know now; there is a way out.
Today, when I look in the mirror I see a mom who is doing her best to show her daughter how much she loves her. I see a wife that loves and appreciates her husband. I see a daughter, sister and friend who is dependable and honest. I see a woman with integrity.
The beauty in all of this is that I don’t need to check my reflection to know that I am doing these things! I can feel it!
I may not look like a model, I may not be pretty by societies standards. I have bags under my eyes and I’m not a size 2, BUT I love the woman I have become since finding recovery and that is far more beautiful to me than anything external.
I am not ashamed to show the world the real me today. I have no control over the thoughts of others, and to be honest I probably wouldn’t spend my time with anyone who wants to judge me for my appearance or the mistakes I made in the past anyway. The only things I have control over are my attitude and my actions. That’s it!
And today, I choose to be happy. And that my friends is a tremendous blessing. ❤️
I know exactly how you feel.
I used to hate seeing myself in mirrors.
It’s taken me a long time to just be happy to be me. And to smile at myself.
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Yes! Me too! In active addiction, I didn’t even know who I was anymore. In early sobriety, I was ashamed. Now that I have a few years sober, I am starting to finally feel like the me i was always supposed to be!
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You have a beauty that radiates from within you. Keep shining!
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Thank you, Cynthia! Xoxo
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My mom threw out the scale when I was a kid!
Important to learn how to look at the mirror and immediately find positive, gorgeous, radiant things about yourself. And they may not be physical but mental things you love too.
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Good for her! I should throw mine out too! 🙂 I love everything you said! Physical beauty doesn’t mean much if the attitude is ugly! Xoxo
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Love love love!!! You are beautiful inside and out!!!
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Thank you! So are you! Xoxo 😘
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I like your blog 🙂 thank you for sharing yourself with the world
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Thank you so much, Eliza! I’m so happy you like it!
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Reblogged this on Theory Of Love: I struggle too.
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So beautifully written. Your daughter is lucky to have you!
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Thank you so much for reading and for your kind words! It’s so nice to know their are other moms in recovery who can relate! 💕
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